Follow up from Victoria Devine chat
Hey Em, random thought, did you end up doing the financey stuff with Victoria? Did it change the way finances are handled in your household? What are your (and Michael's) favourite tips and tricks finance wise, could be savings hack, spending hack, shopping loopholes. I felt like she had so many great points and then I went to sit down and look at my sitch and just went 😐
Is my life over, is this all there is?? Advice needed please!
Hi Em & Michael (and all the Emsolators), One of the things I love some much about the pod is how relatable it is, even though I am probably not similar to many Emsolators in obvious ways, I find myself always reflecting on how I can relate to the stories you tell and ideas you share, and it is so uplifting so thank you! I am a NT, straight, non-artistic mother of 2 teenagers (one diagnosed ND), who recently separated from my husband of 18 years, due to cheating and avalanches of resentment for the years and years of mental load that have been drained from my body and I need your help to garner some sense of community, or at least to stop feeling completely isolated and terrified of where I find myself.... It took nearly a year for me to finally kick my husband out after he cheated on me, because I spent so long worrying about what it would do to the kids, how we (including my husband) would manage financially after separating and just not wanting to have to do it all myself. But alas, I did it all, including filling out rental applications for my husband and making him a budget spreadsheet! I've listened as people have told me, it will feel so much better once I make that decision, and that I won't know what to do with how good I feel to finally choose myself, but now I just feel alone, horribly horribly alone and have no sense of who I am, what I am meant to do or who I am meant to be (pretty sure that is a song lyric but can't think of which one!). I am 41 years old, with no hobbies (of my own cause kids' sports take up most of my time) and I don't even recall what 21-year-old me liked to do before kids and husbands. I have very few close friends, and even those who I might consider close, are the types of friends who I have to reach out to, they don't reach out to me and a family that is all interstate. I'm exhausted after the past 9 months and don't really have it in me to make the effort, but the fact my friends are not making the effort is making me feel so lonely and down. My kids are teenagers, so don't really need me, but still do and both are choosing not to have a relationship with their father at the moment (which they are both old enough to decide and I am supportive of), so I have them full time, so there is no 'down' time for me. It's only been a month or so since we actually separated, so I am trying to not be too hard on myself, but I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel or a way that I could possibly move on and find some joy again. We are not financially well off, so new hobbies that cost money are out of the question and having the kids full time means I don't really have time to get out on my own - and as teenagers the last thing the kids want to do is something with me! I'm terrified that this loneliness will become my life, so I'd love some advice, or examples of what others have done to try and figure out who they are and what they enjoy after decades of giving yourself away to your family, how can I start to find myself and my joy again.... Thanks :)
For Em:
Em, I feel like you’ve never really talked about ~both~ your parents, but I’m curious as hell about this. You talk about your dad Vincey a lot and I can sense the love and closeness there. So my question… what is your relationship with your mum like? Are you close? Any time you talk about Jenny I’m screaming internally for more context 😂 Asking as someone with both mummy and daddy issues so always curious about peoples relationships with their parents! 🫶🏼
Am I the Arsehole?
Hi Em and Michael! Todays am I the arsehole question is in relation to the STUNNING photo of Em and her girls at the most recent drag event they attended. I noticed that someone allowed their privilege to go unchecked in the comments section - not exactly unheard of in the realm of Facebook where general arseholes lurk on the best of days. I have two am I the arsehole questions in response to this: 1) Am I the arsehole, for wanting to hand the commenter a 'Privilege for Dummies' manual and a mirror to reflect on their lack of, while simultaneously resisting the urge to launch said mirror at their face? 2) Am I the arsehole for wanting to high-five the commenter's face with a chair for not grasping the fabulousness of being embraced by a table of lesbians at a drag show, like, come on, it's like winning the lottery of coolness and they're over there critiquing the wording? #letsgolesbiansandgetsomeperspective