Allllll the F1 drama!
Dear Em, I’m slightly behind in my podcast listening because life isn’t even throwing lemons at me anymore, at this stage it’s bloody boulders. Anyway, I’ve almost caught up but don’t think you’ve said anything yet about my favourite topic - alllllll the F1 drama! I’m so keen to hear you and Vincie’s thoughts on the Lewis to Ferrari situation. Does Vincie approve? And what about Guenther’s axing? Christian’s investigation? There’s just so much! Also - did you see the Ferrari movie? I am the type that no matter how badly other people rate a movie I always walk out saying ‘it wasn’t that bad, was worth my $20 ticket’. However I have some fairly specific thoughts on the Ferrari movie, in particular the extremely obviously silicone severed foot they showed during the crash scene… When I left the cinema the first thing I said to my partner is ‘I can’t wait to hear Em’s review!’. While we’re on the motorsports path I would love your thoughts on the Aussie Supercars drama but I feel like that could be a step too far down the motorsports world for Emsolation 😂😂 Thank you for the community you have created. Your ADHD diagnosis and subsequent work changed my entire life and led to so many people in my circle getting diagnosed and taking back control of their lives and I will be eternally grateful 🩷
AiTA
My parents, whom im only starting to get 'along' with after some troubled childhood times & years of not speaking to either of them, seem to like, if not fuckinh love my fiance more than they love me. This includes things like "oh you are so lucky to have mark... he does so much around the house *cough more than you cough*, hes such a good cook, hes such a saint blah fucking blah. I have to KEEP reminding both of them that we are lucky to have each other, and that i do things around the house that they do not see; although my fiance DOES see. We have an equal relationship, and allow time for each other, time separate, and time for household stuff while both working Fulltime. We do the things that are in our strengths and he fully understands my nuerodiversity and how some small tasks get to me. He picks up the slack when i cant and vise versa. I should not have to explain this shit to my parents, nor anyone for that matter. Just because he does his fair share doesnt mean im 'lucky to have him'. They know all too well the DV relationship i was im prior to him. Both of us are very happy in our relationship. My fiance does stick up for me at the time, when hes present and hears their shitty comments. What shits me is I feel they have the same opinion and they're not even together anymore, so its not like theyve conspired on this together (they certainly do not talk to each other). Im just worried when it comes to our wedding, one of them will make a speech about "how lucky i am". What, to be actually loved & in an equal caring emotionally solid relationship that most people would yearn for?? Why must the bar be so low. Im happy to call it out, like i keep doing... however AITA for calling them/anyone out on this?
Overcoming RSD
(please keep me anonymous) Hi Em. Today on Extra you put a call out for anyone who needs a relationship pep talk from you. So here I am. Background: I'm a 42 year old late-diagnosed AuDHDer, perimenopausal, mum to an exuberant, creative, sensory-seeking ND 3 year old and fur-mum to a beautiful, old, blind dog. I work part time and struggle with work-life balance. I rarely feel on top of things around the house. My partner (49, AuDHDer-in-denial) does a lot more of the household stuff than I think a lot of the cis-het men who get mentioned on the pod do (so I'm lucky I guess, but also, the bar should be at least this high). He may not carry the same mental load that I do, but in terms of who does what around the house it's a pretty good split. That said, I feel like both of us are either caring for kiddo or doing jobs around the house basically all the time. We both have huge lists, we book "turns" with each other to get things done (e.g. if you look after kiddo for the morning I'll shampoo the carpet*, then I'll take her so you can get the seven loads of washing put away), and neither of us ever actually gets to the end of the list. There's very little me-time for either of us (I get an evening dance class each week as my only exercise, he gets nights out every few weeks), and next to no us-time apart from when we're both on the couch at the end of the day, by which point we're either comatose or we're working on yet more life admin. We've been on four dates since kiddo was born, and have limited access to family support. We've completely lost our sex life. It took a massive hit during the process of trying to conceive and going through IVF, didn't recover during lockdown pregnancy, and has completely evaporated since bub (now kiddo) came along. She's still in our bed for the bulk of every night, but even if she wasn't I think we'd both be too wrecked anyway. I asked my counsellor about this recently (she's neuroaffirming), and she gave some practical suggestions about how to make a slow start, like sitting closer on the the couch, building up to kissing, etc. The thing is, I can't even manage that much. The RSD just goes off the charts as soon as I even think about it. I just feel like he would be revolted if I even tried. I don't think it's a body image thing - my body has definitely changed since last time he saw it, but this feels like something more internal and fundamental. He used to talk during sex about how good it was to be doing it with the woman he loved, and I don't feel like I'd hear that again if we tried now. So, that's it in a nutshell (with obligatory extra details in brackets). I don't really know how to form the question that I'm trying to ask. In all honesty I think it's more just "Please help!" Any ideas you have about this or what I can try to get over my own fears would be so, so appreciated. *Btw, the carpet shampoo is only because the dog pooed on it when he had pancreatitis (poor thing, but also, whyyy???!!). This is not a standard of cleaning we would ordinarily even attempt to maintain.
Toxic Men at Work
Hey Em… I’m a 40 yo AuADHD-er. I work with a bunch of toxic blokes. I’m the punching bag for one guy who promised to be a mentor. This guy in particular did my role last year but did nothing. No templates, no plans, no hand over, no examples… I have done more in three weeks than he did in two years but now it’s put a target on my back and he’ll throw me under the bus any chance he gets. This has followed me around my whole career.. but even if i’m as sweet as pie in my mind I’m still not getting the social queues or something. I’m a reserved personality I’m not out there point scoring. Why can’t I get ahead? why do they come for me? how can I stay under the radar and just do my job? Is it the ASD making me oblivious and the ADHD hyper fixation producing toned of work (not a super power btw I’m shattered after deep thinking time and only the tight timelines are getting me to focus) Love your work it means so much to me!