I need help; Killing Patriarchal Beliefs in my Love
I need help. I love my man so so so much… but… he’s a patriarchal mess *shade button* I need a class, video, page… something to teach him the simple things that women deal with that men don’t. We had an argument about something that happened in my past (sexual) and he said “Why didn’t you say no?” I explained that I did (without going into too much detail because… that’s hard to talk about) and he said “so your telling me you were raped” he doesn’t understand that women everywhere constantly are having sex with me when they don’t want to because men don’t know what NO means! I know I need to have the hard chats with him but I would love a 5minute snippet of something to watch with him first. Em… I need your help! I’m having doubts about my entire relationship if he cannot understand how problematic the difference between men and women are. P.s. we live together, we’ve been together for years, it is a very serious relationship. I would be happy talking to you in more detail if that’s what is needed. He is a good man, just has never been taught or shown the truth of life
I’m not okay either
I feel like, after raging for the last four+ years, I now have a baseline of frustration most of the time. That, and the hectic ‘mood swings’ due to unstable hormones. Whatevs. But it’s the sadness that’s bringing me to my knees. Today I’ve cried in the supermarket and literally while I ordered coffee, both before 9am and for no good reason. It would seem I’m not okay either. Do you (and others) feel the sadness and is it thanks to the peri peri hot sauce? But... if that question is too fucking depressing for this awesome podcast… Em, what are your best traits that you see coming out in your kids? (Because god knows we need to look for the light anywhere we can) Thanks. Ellie
Fellow ADHDer
Hi em and Michael First of all, absolutely love the pod it’s the highlight of my week. This may not be a question but was listening to your recent episode and when you mentioned dexes thought I’d share some info Oh shit forgot to introduce myself, my names Indiana I’m 21 and I was diagnosed with adhd in 2021,and know all too well how shit it is to try to get some normality in life when it comes to appointments and medication. I’ve basically tried everything there is, on top of the adhd I was also diagnosed with complex anxiety disorder and am currently being accessed and diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) But Em let me tell you, when I started taking dexes it bloody changed my life (as bad as that sounds) I finally felt some relief from all the stress and loss of control, I could finally relax. When I saw the tablet though It also made me think back to my teenage years and how I use to be naughty and have some party pills and would always wonder why they made me feel normal and why I wasn’t on the same level as my friends . Well it was because they were dexes and for myself they made me a normal functioning person but for anyone else whom doesn’t have adhd they give the opposite side effects as though there were taking drugs. I think em you would find the dexes life changing and have some relief, I hope this was beneficial. P.S: It would be an honour to pass on some wisdom and life experience to you if needed
Where the Hell do I start?
Hey Em, I’m so lost right now and need some advice. I know this has been given before but I need to hear it again. My son is 13 and is totally disengaging from school. We have a plan in place for him now and hoping that will work. The school has asked me to see our GP and get a referral for a Paediatrician to getting testing done for possible ADHD. I have seen possible “signs” in him but never really thought that much of it. What do I do, what do I say and how do I support him until we can see a paediatrician? I’m so overwhelmed with all this. Thanks Em
The Lasso way?
Hey Em and Michael, My cousin (28) is dating an absolute dud and I don't know if I should talk to her about it. She's a teacher, he's a lawyer, but she pays for EVERYTHING. He is so stingy, still lives at home, and doesn't pay for any rent or bills. She has her own apartment on a TEACHERS WAGE which he lives in for at least half the week. He eats her groceries, uses her internet, takes up half her closet (can you imagine? That'd be the final straw for me) and refuses to pay for anything. Needless to say he does zero cleaning either. He also doesn't offer her food when she goes over to his place, she orders takeaway with her own money. She also organises his schedule because he "can't". I cannot fathom the weaponised incompetence of this man who can manage a law degree but not his day to day life? I've gently poked at this topic in particular but my cousin just laughs it off. This is her first boyfriend and they've been together for a few years now. She's been raised to think that a relationship with a man is a box she has to tick but she doesn't seem happy and she definitely isn't loved or supported the way she should be. I'm not sure if I should say something? Like is this a straight girl canon event? Can I interfere? Or is it a Ted Lasso situation where you don't say anything even though you want to? There's talk of them buying a house together (very curious to know the financial split) and getting engaged and I don't want her to be trapped with this man. Do I attempt an intervention and risk the possible backlash/break of trust? Or do I keep quiet but continue to be there for her and support her until she (hopefully) leaves him? He doesn't even have a good personality, like there is nothing going for this man. The bar is on the FLOOR - is it possible to raise it slightly so he trips over it? Any and all help appreciated. Carly