Update: gay best friend dynamic
Hi gang, Thanks so much for your response to my question about my friend “Calvin” (hahaha not the best choice… maybe just call him C?) - I appreciated the “trust your gut” advice and reminder that sexuality is a sliding spectrum. No real updates on this situation, because C has basically ghosted me. I’m not sure what has happened in the past few weeks - we’ve gone from talking most days to him not reading my messages. There’s been no conversation about flirting etc. He says he’s busy with work, and that he misses me, but the effort is largely on my part and the vibes feel off. I’ve wondered whether he’s met someone (good for her) or maybe he feels like he needs some space. I feel quite down - I miss my friend and I’m lost as to what to do. Part of me wonders whether my suspicions were correct and he’s pulled away because of deeper feelings, but I am aware I could be flattering myself and feeding my own delusions. Honestly, I am committed to my husband but the spark isn’t quite there and I feel selfish for saying I like the attention. For me, there’s “a tingle” that I thought was harmless as we’ve been friends for half our lives and that I hadn’t considered acting on. My friendship with C is really dear to me and it would be a huge loss if this was the beginning of the end. Do I address it? How? I worry I’d be opening a can of worms here, but at the same time the current situation is confusing and hard on my heart.
My husband’s denial of ADHD behaviours.
I commenced meds for ADHD earlier this year. I’ve known I’m ND for a long time but soldiered on without professional help for too long. Having ND kids (one diagnosed and the other one is def headed that way) as well as amazing work of people like Em to de-stigmatise it encouraged me to see that I was actually struggling harder than I needed to. I’m so much happier and productive now, but one thing is driving me crazy! My husband! I am not trying to diagnose him as such but he can be chaotic, struggle to retain information, gets overwhelmed easily, has had several hyper fixation periods over the years, has been known to be impulsive to the detriment of our relationship and family life, if something or someone is out of sight they can be very much out of mind. That’s probably just the tip of the iceberg! Now that half the household is medicated, with a third little person having symptoms managed, supported and monitored…his chaos, procrastination and struggles with time management etc are standing out like never before! I do get resentful that we’ve all had to go through the hard work to be diagnosed etc (with his support and encouragement) and he hasn’t done anything in that area for himself! I’d love our household to function a bit better and I’m wondering, am I an asshole for feeling this way? Is there a way to get through to him? He’s in denial (there’s even a history in his family) and I sense maybe some internalised shame which I choose not to take personally (I’m so magnanimous lol). I would love for him to be assessed ideally, but even to just open his mind to the possibility and consider his impact on the household? What should I say? I’ve heard Em hint at it with Scott - how does he feel about it?