A PDA question
In asking this question, I want to say up front that I love this community you’ve made and the people it’s brought together. We’ve seen some amazing support and advice and that’s rare in an online format. But you’ve spoken before Em about your PDA and how if someone tells you to watch a show, how much you’d love it, that you can’t. I constantly see posts saying “‘Em you gotta watch this”, “‘Em you gotta ok stop this”. Real talk, would you like us in your community to politely remind each other that they absolutely can recommend shows, but that directing you to do something isn’t being neuro affirming. I’m a mum of a 5 year old PDAer whose big trigger is tv (YouTube yes, Netflix no). I might be more hyper sensitive but it’s been on my mind that demands are coming direct to you in this way.
AITA - husband vs AuDHD
Long time listener…since wiyone tiyome days and followed you around into Emsolation during Melb Covid. Hate radio so never had the pleasure of listening to you Em. Love to Michael, Ben, Zeke and the team! You make my day every time I listen. Shock horror, diagnosed as Autistic and ADHD in 2022 at the age of 32! Apparently my crisis in 2020 was a MASSIVE meltdown not a nervous breakdown. Every couple months my husband becomes distant and despondent. I leave it and leave because “No, I will not ask. You’re a grown man, fucking tell me.” Every time it inevitably gets the better of me and I ask “what’s wrong?” The answers are varied but ALWAYS related to my diagnoses and associated behaviour. ALWAYS! This latest one was “Well you hurt my feelings when we were having a conversation because your phone rang. You took it and then came back to the conversation as if nothing happened. All the books and groups pretty much tell me to ‘get over it’ because it’s a disability and you don’t mean it. I think this is true, you’re not a mean person at all, but it’s still so hurtful”. He is referencing a situation that was two weeks ago and NEVER mentioned that is how he felt in the moment. I’m guilty though, I absolutely did that. However, I’m not a mind reader! Am I the arsehole for expecting him to tell me when he is affected by my AuDHD brain? My brain shouldn’t be a reason not to discuss things. We’ve been together for 19 years (high school sweethearts, I fucking hate that term). We met when we were in Year 10. Shouldn’t we be past this kind of bullshit butt-hurt crap? Or am I an arsehole?
Autism diagnoses
Hi Em, Firstly, I just want to say thank you so much for all you do. I can only imagine the amount of executive functioning it takes to keep all the plates spinning! I have no children, just 2 dogs and a husband (who I've talked into coming with me to see you at the Palais!), and I struggle to keep things going smoothly, so your accomplishments are superhuman in my eyes! Now, my question- I have been diagnosed ADHD for three years now. (And it must be true, because I'm on my third Psychiatrist and therefore my third diagnosis, but I've finally found a great one!) When I was talking with a (ND) friend in the early days, pre-diagnosis, she hinted about autism, but I (politely) shut her down because I didn't feel that I identified with anything in the screening questions. Now, after finding an amazing psychiatrist who was open to trying different medications, the autistic traits are REALLY starting to shine through, and the screening questions may as well be a flashing neon light! Considering I'm already medicated for my ADHD and am finding new skills and tools to help manage things better, is it worthwhile to seek an official autism diagnosis, or is self-identifying enough? I realise that a diagnosis will be helpful for some people, but in the scheme of things, if I am already receiving treatment for my ADHD, and am able to give myself compassion for the things I struggle with, is there any other benefits that an official autism diagnosis can provide that I'm not thinking of? Any insights would be great, because I just keep going backwards and forwards about whether to spend the money and seek the official diagnosis or not. Thank you so much. -J